News in a Nutshell, April

Hold onto your seat! There will be two lunar eclipses in April
and May—plus a full moon by Congress! Here is April’s news in a nutshell:

4/3: ♪♪ Do I See a
Trend? Oh, my dear, don’t you see a trend? No toll-takers at the Golden
Gate Bridge in San Francisco; the FAA lays off air traffic controllers; Google
uses driverless cars to map the world. So just how important is it to have
anyone at the helm?

4/7: FOOD: Saison Restaurant, the most expensive foodie destination
in the San Francisco Bay Area, rolls out its blue-wing sea robin with fish bone
gelee, topped with fried kelp and herring roe. Just try to make that at home.

4/9: Now you’ve gone and done it, IRS! Taxing free meals at
Silicon Valley tech companies? Hunger Game on! To prove a point, Facebook
invites IRS in for a  carrot stick dual.

4/10: Suze Orman un“likes” the Bible; she got to the tithing
part.

4/11: Congress votes to vote on discussion of a vote on
discussion of immigration and gun control—proof that Muslims have infiltrated
the government; the mountain came to Mohammed.

4/12: Republican National Committee Chairman, Reince
Priebus, scolds the party for being insensitive to constituents. Confused
conventioneers go door-to-door, registering Hispanics in binders.

4/14: What’s My Line?,
the popular TV series of the 1950s, launches its return to TV with opening
episode, “Will the Real Anti-Christ Please Stand Up?” Donald “God Particle”
Trump hosts the debut.

4/15: 300,000 federal employees take a furlough day,
exempting themselves from paying taxes again this year.

4/16: Catholics—one; Gold traders—zero. Gold has its worst
two-day drop in 30 years due to algorithms kicking in. Well, duh! Didn’t
Catholics abandon the rhythm method years ago?

4/17: The U.S. Senate votes down anti-gun legislation,
citing omission of squirt guns from the assault weapons list. Anybody seen
Mohammed?

4/20: BREAKING NEWS: There will be weather today. This
bulletin brought to you by the National Weather Service, sponsored by the
Make-a-Guess Foundation.

4/22: A YouTube video of NRA President Wayne Lapierre jiving
to “Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys,” turns up. Lapierre
says he was just practicing for Dancing with the Stars.

4/24: SPORTS: Kim Il-Sung. I want nothing to do with
basketball.

4/26: The Associated Press reports they’ve been hacked
again, and to please disregard the Tweet that there are books in the newly dedicated George W. Bush Library.

4/30: The Sequester… Congress does the Harlem Shakedown.
Mitch McConnell was heard to remark, “I could have danced all night.” Can you
feel it now?

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Follow Cathy at www.ALIttleBitOff.net, or Facebook her at Cathy Turney Concord California